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Parents Developing Roles in Their Child's College Education
(ARA) - This fall millions of parents will take their child to college for the first time. They will load the car, drive to campus, unload the car, kiss their child goodbye and leave.
Then what? Do they sit around and wait for the homesick phone call? Do they dare ask how classes are going? Should they visit the campus during the year? Does the college want their involvement or will they see it as meddling?
During the last decade parents have become more involved in their student's college experience, which colleges have embraced. Some experts attribute this to the fact that Baby Boomers -- the parents who were very active in their children's lives -- are sending their kids to college. They are the Soccer Moms and Little League Dads who aren't ready to let go just yet.
Others say parents want to know how their thousands in hard-earned tuition dollars are being spent. After all, financing a college education now ranks with buying a home and saving for retirement in financial impact.
Parents definitely should be involved in their student's education, says Monica Groves, dean of students at Northwestern College in St. Paul, Minn. "Parent involvement holds the parent, student and the college accountable," she explains. "Parents know their kids best, so they need to keep in touch to pick up on any warning signs of possible trouble that needs to be addressed."
Parental involvement holds the college accountable to uphold standards and commitments, she adds. For example, if enough parents express concern about a certain policy or incident, it grabs the administration's attention, which can bring positive change.
Parental involvement doesn't stop with the college admissions process.
It continues on campus, beginning with freshman orientation. Northwestern, for example, offers parent sessions with administration and faculty. Veteran parents host a Q & A time to share stories and advice. Throughout the year are parent-related events, such as family weekend and home games honoring parents.
Like many colleges, Northwestern has an office of parent relations that serves as liaison between parents and the college, explains Jessica Hughes, assistant director of parent relations.
In addition to being a sounding board of parent concerns and ideas, the office is a resource of college services. It communicates with parents through a handbook, newsletters, e-mail blasts and a Web site. A parent advisory council communicates parents' perspectives to the administration and provides information and support to other parents.
"We field calls, answer questions and develop networking relationships among parents," says Nancy Watson, a council member from Billings, Mont. "Sometimes parents just want to talk to another parent."
How involved is "involved?"
Groves and Hughes have fielded parent calls about parking tickets, roommate issues and unfair grading. "On the other end of the spectrum, some parents call asking us how often they should call their student," Groves smiles. "They don't want to embarrass their student by calling too much."
Hughes says a lot of calls are parents who want to help their student, but don't know the College resources, such as health services, housing, counseling, etc. "Most of the time they want their child to resolve conflict like a grown-up," she adds.
Groves and Hughes offer practical ways parents can be involved:
* Before the student leaves for college discuss when and how often to call, and which communication method the student prefers: phone, e-mail, mail. Expect changes as you and your student adjust.
* When your student is having a problem in class, ask them if they have talked to the professor. If they have and it wasn't satisfactory, encourage them to talk to the dean. Encourage your student to be bold and not afraid to seek help.
* Volunteer for the parent council or other parent organizations and events on campus. Network with other parents,
* Come to campus when invited. If you live nearby, attend a few public events such as concerts and sports events. These help you connect with the college, but are less intrusive in your student's "space."
* Read the college publications and check out the Web site to keep up-to-date on news, events and policies.
Of course, there are a few Parental Don'ts:
* Don't stay overnight in the dorm.
* Don't call your student until after 9 a.m. College students are on different schedules!
* Don't go around the student to solve their problem.
* Don't contact the college to get your student's grades. The Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA) is a Federal law that protects the privacy of student education records. While FERPA gives parents certain rights to their children's education records, when the student reaches age 18 or attends a school beyond the high school level, the rights transfer to the student.
No matter what level of involvement parents choose, they need to listen to their student, Groves emphasizes. "Sometimes students are irrational when they call home. Recognize that they are venting and may exaggerate," Groves says. "After they calm down, discuss the problem and encourage them to find the right people on campus who can help."
"Be involved as much as you love them," Watson advises. "Be involved so you don't lose them. They may be 18, which is considered adult, but they are actually on the fence of adulthood and still need some guidance. The college years are when they make choices that impact their entire lives. It's an age when many students, due to lack of direction, fall prey to pornography, substance abuse and eating disorders."
Yet often it's the parents' role to let their students make their own decisions. "When I wanted to write a professor about my daughter's course load, she was adamant. ‘Don't you dare! I'd die a thousand deaths!' So I had to abide by her wishes," Watson recalls. "They have to learn to deal with some things on their own. I've had to keep my mouth shut several times, but I'm glad I did. She has made some excellent decisions and really grown up."
Courtesy of ARA Content
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